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“Live a full life and not just a productive one.” - Tabitha Brown, Season 4 of The Chi, Episode 9. If someone else said it, shout out to them too, but this has stuck with me ever since I heard it. In my last blog, I talked a lot about finding balance in our lives which is super important. It’s really easy for life to just become a checklist. This is the mentality that if I’ve done everything on my list, I must’ve had a good day. I too have been a victim of this, where my life becomes a checklist and then somewhere down the line I feel like I’ve been stuck going through the motions, watching everything pass me by. Productivity does not mean that you are living your life to its fullest potential. Now there is nothing wrong with being productive, but don’t let it become your identity. To be transparent, I’ve been trying to find happiness and I thought that if I did everything that I needed to do, it would follow. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Now while I did feel accomplished, I didn’t feel whole. The truth is, I was not happy for a long time. Life let on a lot of baggage in the last few months, and it’s been hard. My version of happiness was to make sure I was still productive, but you don’t find happiness in your work. You don’t find happiness in anything or anyone. It’s up to you to choose happiness. I want to take a pause here and say that I know that it is easier said than done. I wish it was just a flip of a switch and all bad moments or dark moments just went away, but the whole point is to try. I’ve learned that we make the world we live in, and that perspective is everything. Your perspective gauges how you view life, from the value of money to what an art piece may mean to you. It’s why we all view fashion differently or interpret situations differently. We live life by our own perspective. When we are in the dumps or in our darker periods it’s really easy to go with the darkness. I can honestly say that there have been consecutive days and weeks where I let the darkness win. I allowed it to stop me from doing everything I loved and it had me holed up in my room. Of course that didn’t mean life stopped, so I went to work unhappy, saw friends and although it was nice to them, I was still unhappy. I would go to certain events and have to ask myself, am I enjoying this or am I just faking it? When I had to ask myself that question I knew that it was time to change my perspective. Going back to what I said earlier, we choose the life that we live in. What does that mean? It means that if we let the darkness win, our life will be dark, but if we choose to let the light in, our days will only get better with time. Another thing that helps is that we aren’t alone, as much as it may feel like it. We have someone in our corner, and if you feel like you don’t, hit me up and we can talk even if all you need me to do is listen. I can say that I’ve been blessed with people who help me out and they didn’t even realize they were helping. Those people in my life are greatly appreciated. I was talking to a good friend the other day and they let me know that I shouldn’t let my darkness (depression) overtake me. Making the conscious decision to be happy also meant that I would now be doing things I loved, and I started hanging out with myself more rather than just existing. I took the first step by going on a hike with Arlo. I fell in love with trails in Michigan and didn't realize that Jersey also had some pretty beautiful trails. I was able to conquer Mt. Tammany and with Arlo being such a great hiking partner, we honestly had fun. Of course I took my L’s before. For example, I didn’t realize I was looking at the wrong weather forecast when I thought it was going to be a sunny day. It most definitely poured rain but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I met some great people on the hike and Arlo even helped this little boy who was afraid to go down the mountain. Had I left when I realized that it was going to rain, Arlo would’ve never been able to help that kid and I wouldn’t have had such insightful conversation with the father. It was my perspective that allowed me to stay and is why I enjoyed the hike even in the rain. Like I said, changing your perspective is not the overnight switch from sadness to happiness, but it’s a start. It doesn’t mean that there will be no more bad days. Because we're human, we can only do so much. In fact, although my weekend was great I still had a pretty bad Monday but a friend really lifted up my spirits when they said, “just because you had a low moment that doesn’t take away from the progress you were making.” I needed to hear that because there is no end all to sadness as long as we are on this Earth, but the real victory is when you’re pushed back down and you choose to get back up again. I don’t have all the right information, but I am just speaking to my life and hopefully my experiences help someone else. It isn’t the easiest thing but God got us. He really looks out even in times that it may seem like He isn’t there. Whether or not you believe in a higher power, you’re being looked out for and your steps are ordered. I guess I’m here to tell you today that the dark period you are in or going through is just that, a period of time and it isn’t forever. It will get easier with time and at the end of the day it is your choice whether you stay holed up in your room or you go out and live your life to the fullest. Remember, you ARE NOT alone. Hit me up,  hit up your closest friend or parent, and if you don’t feel comfortable with that see a therapist. They may not give you exact answers but they can help you understand why you feel this way. If all else doesn't work, write it down and discard it as a release. As always, I love you and appreciate you for reading this. Don’t forget to call your mom or dad or someone and tell them you love them! Now get up and go do something amazing lovelies!